Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Well here is the moment many of you have been waiting for, the moment I admit for the first and what could be the only time that I was wrong.

Aghast, did he just admit to being wrong? Indeed people I have. It was brought to my attention that despite my understanding of the law and my belief in the rights to freedom of speech that I was wrong.

Apparently my writing "offends" some people, hurts the fabric of society. My words, religious views which are exactly that, my views seem to strike at the very moral fibre of some. Well heaven forbid that we all don't share the same ideas. Wouldn't that make life so much easier for things such as organized religion? Imagine the uncountable number of followers religious groups would have if we all just had the same views, their views more specifically. I must have missed the mass e-mail which stated that we were no longer allowed to voice our personnel opinions. Opinions that I don't necessarily expect everyone to share, the bright ones will, but not everyone. I especially missed the portion were holding a religious view not in line with un- named faith to be promoting hate. I a hate monger, I think not. Educator, corrupter or values maybe but hate writer? Hate is such a strong word, I prefer to think of myself as offering a different view.

My view is not one for all, I merely suggest that in the end, judgement day that is, we shoot them all and let ME sort them out. For those of you with exposure to pop culture, you will have realized with your quick wit, that this is a play on the phrase "shoot them all and let God sort them out". What I have done here you see is made a farce that I am god. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not but will all have to just wait and see.

In the end, I would like to think that we all have a sense of humour. I don't expect all to share the same sense of humour because it would mean we would all have to have a fairly high base level of intelligence and of course be literate enough to read. But there I go again spreading hate, my bad.

I will leave you with this quote, one I myself stumbled upon today "God is a comedian playing to an audience to afraid to laugh", well I ain't afraid to laugh, god is a funny mother fucker, I am a funny mother fucker I wonder, coincidence, maybe, maybe not.

Peace and love and all gods, deities, voodoo dolls and other religious junk.

Monday, May 10, 2010


Life, unfortunately, is full of disappointment. More tragically is the fact that we often become familiar with it at an early age, often with the learning that icons such as Santa Clause are not real.
Being resilient we deal with these disappointing moments, some times with shedding tears and some times with brat like out bursts of anger. The commonality is that our disappointment is often the result of putting our faith, joy and trust into people who seem God like, but in the end turn out to be mere mortals. Professional athletes seem to be the outlets to which we "plug" our hopes and dreams into. We foolishly believe that they are pure, ethical individuals who hold themselves to the highest standards. I am deeply saddened to report that this my friends is not true.
You see, I put all my trust in a particular cyclist, who's name shall go un-mentioned. The very mentioning of their name strikes the deepest pain into my heart, a pain so un imaginably horrific that time may not be able to heal it.
This pro-athlete, an inspiration to riders everywhere, a rider who rides for a Canadian company, Norco in fact is a cutter. It is true, I am sad to say, but I witnessed the atrocity with my own eyes.
A few days ago I, while on my way to Hardwood, saw this icon, hero of mine if you will commit an act which is unimaginable. Approaching the entrance to Hardwood I saw him coming towards us on his road bike, stunning, perfect form. Of course my heart began to race, the anticipation of watching a prime athlete take the turn into the parking lot. Instead, disappointment. With only a few hundred feet left, a few hundred feet that could have been easily coasted especially given his supreme speed, he cut. He and with a heavy heart I write this cut across the lawn into the parking lot. My heart was shattered into fragments, so many that there is no word in existence to express the number. I shall simply say a lot! Which is of course two words, not one.
I being a person of integrity, confronted this Canadian cycling icon, his rebuttal, more devastating then the cut itself.
"It wasn't taped off", my word. Has it come to this. A short cut needs to be taped off, it's temptation so strong that tape is required to prevent it's taking. A mere mortal I understand, but this professional athlete? I expected more, I expect God like behaviour, Jesus resisted temptation in the Desert, I thought this rider could resist the temptation of a short cut. "For shame" I say "for shame".
I guess, painfully, I have learned a valuable lesson, I am better off putting my faith in an athlete like Tiger Woods. Tiger may cheat on his wife and slut himself around, but Tiger my friends does not take short cuts, no way no how.....

To the athlete in question, you know who you are and in the end you have to live with this deed of cutting, cutting from Old Barrie road into the parking lot of Hard wood Ski and bike, I only hope you are not haunted my this for all time.

Peace and love,
and tears in his eyes.

P.S. This is of course a complete and sarcastic commentary on an event, which holds absolutely no meaning, relavence or value to me but I do, admittedly, get joy no matter how twisted, out of harassing those I consider friends. Andrew Watson, ha there I said your name, sucker!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

What an ass!

Obviously for those of you who actually read my blog, you realize that this is my first post in some time. Why? Who really knows, nice weather, bikes, or beer one of these three things seems to have distracted me, but fear not, I have returned.

I am not here to impart wisdom today but rather tell you of the worlds largest dumb ass, no not me, but some thing in my care. Since his adoption, Dexter has demonstrated that he may be the most dimwitted creature in existence, a lovable retard if you will and you will because I control the key board so na na bo bo. Any whore, like many concerned parents we bought a book in hopes that the text would shed light upon the shallow depth of his thinking and allow us to turn our dumb ass doberman into a candidate for best in show. FAIL. The book describes dobermans as "regal" "obedient" dogs who strive to please their owners and whose feelings are easily hurt. By please I believe the author meant piss off and by regal I believe that is "street" for retarded because Dexter is the exact opposite of all descriptions in the book.

Point in case, yesterday during a lovely ride in Copeland, Dexter disappeared. Oh where oh where did he go you may ask? To fend off a vicious attacker, to rescue Timmy form the well? NO like a dumb ass he found him self a pointy little friend. Yes a porcupine who, with a smile on his face, filled Dexters nose with quills. Then like a kid with A.D.D he noticed a deer who he then proceeded to chase. What a fucking dumb ass! I in true god like fashion stayed calm, calling Dexter in such a fashion, " hey you fucking dumb ass, what the fuck is going through your brain?"
The answer of course is nothing. When he finally returned I wanted to go Chuck Norris on his ass and beat him like I owned him, which I do, but he is after all a dog, a dumb ass dog who cannot link one thing to the next so beating him will prove to be futile, enjoyable and stress relieving, but futile. So we calmly proceeded to the car, to the vet and to the pub.

I now realize why parents kick kids out of their homes, because if I had a kid with the intellect of Dexter, I would drop him off at a cornour with a dollar and pat on the back and a "best of luck".

Word to the wise.......fuck I don't have any wise words in this matter. I guess despite everything, training, books, educational videos, at the end of the day a dog is a dog and will do dog things like roll in dead fish, smell crotches and chomp down on porcupines.......

What a fucking dumb ass,
Peace and Love