Tuesday, July 6, 2010

The One....the only one

Last night I decided to grace a few lucky riders with my presence. Similar to the "make a wish foundation" I granted several of those present their life long wish, to ride with me. These lucky few if able to get over their star -struckness, would be able to ride with and possibly learn from a master.

Weather it was nervousness or some over developed sense of competitiveness, several comments where made about my single speed. Usually I would nod and smile, laughing internally about their misconceptions, their over developed and uneducated need for gears. Simpletons.

However I believe the time has come when those who read this will grasp my explanation. A turning point in the history of mankind will occur when I reveal the "why", about riding single speed. The common and misconceived idea as to why single speeders exist range from the retarded to the very retarded. Things like, weight savings, the in ability to shift, or that it is some sort of hippie throw back movement to simpler ways. These are all wrong and are the beliefs of the uneducated masses.

The reason I ride a single speed is this. I am an enlightened being. I have achieved a Nirvana, a cycling Nirvana. I have super ceded the need, the reliance for gears and have been able to achieve total harmony with the use of a single gear. This is not easily done, not for the weak of mind nor for the weak in faith. No hill is too steep when you are an enlightened one. The hills all kneel before me and the down hills extend them selves with out limit. It is total control over the planet, over all terrain, a power to great for most and far to great for the "cutters".

For some of you reaching this enlightenment will prove to be to much to bear and your heads will explode, literally explode with this increased knowledge brought forth through achieving cycling Nirvana. For many of you this journey towards cycling Nirvana will be far to difficult and being complete chicken shits you will avoid it. I understand, riding gears is simple, it is "easy" and I don't expect all of you to have the same drive, determination or God like abilities that I naturally posses. It is my gift and at times a curse to be so intelligent, so brilliant and so devilishly good looking but please do not weep for me I will carry this cross.

In conclusion, I will continue to ride with the geared masses, like a shepherd attending his flock I will safe guard you from the inevitable need for more gears. Always with a gentle, gloved hand, I will guide you back. Back to a place of peace a place of light. I will bless you with knowledge in portions easily digested so that one day you too may achieve Nirvana and live in a place so serene, so right, that you will cast your cassettes aside. Some of you however are so simple, so intellectually underdeveloped that gears will be all you know and to that I say "enjoy the short blue bus".

Peace and love.

So there it is why I can ride a single speed, anywhere, in any condition and why the rest of you struggle with gears. I will be here, awaiting others to join me in this enlightened place, but sadly many of you do not posses the tact nor intelligence to join me, no worries we can still be friends.