Well after a bit of a disappearance I have returned. With no help from you my readers. Really thanks for nothing, no missing persons reports where filed, no posters put up, no search parties or emotional plea for my safe return on the local news. You are ALL a disappointment and should be ashamed for your lack of caring. You are the worst audience ever, but an audience none the less so I will entertain you, feeding you tales and lies, truths and myths.
Well on the home front the dynamics have changed slightly, we now have two dogs, count'em two dogs and two cats. Seriously you may be thinking "it's a motha fucking zoo" and let me assure you it is. Our new additions are Dexter, a pure bred doberman who may or may not be the anti-Christ. He requires a lot of attention and exercise. The means of measuring if he has had enough is this; if you come home and shit is destroyed you have not exercised him enough. Fortunately for us we do not have a lot of shit. The new cat is named Chase and that is what he does. He chases the dogs, the other cat, hell he chases us. He is quite the personality. In true fashion I am the alpha dog, the leader, top of the ladder, king of all that is below me....which means I am not really in charge but the enforcer. Any enlightened man knows that he may have the penis, but without a vagina he is useless, so who really is in charge?
On the work front, what am I saying "home front, work front" sounds like I am reporting on a goddamn war. Any whore, Hardwood is a live with Olympic spirit. Which translates into everyone thinking they are an athlete. I swear to god there was more spandex out on trail this weekend then ever worn in the tour de france! Being able to see your own shriveled up junk does not make you an athlete or faster what it does make you is ridiculous. Seriously, by some proper ski clothes not for me but for the children and stop wearing speedos because odds are you wear them too.
Also, for future reference, jeans are not proper ski attire for Nordic or alpine. I can't begin to tell you how often I see people wearing jeans while skiing. They are usually wearing rental equipment, which is cool, happy to see you skiing but jeans, what are you semi-retared. A) Jeans are cold B) when they get wet they freeze, you freeze and your junk falls off. Buy some snow pants and a hat and gloves you will have more fun. Oh and as much as I love seeing you bomb down the hill in the kamikaze snow angle maybe throw in a turn here or there, just saying.
Well that's it, that's all.....if you are wondering I am still awesome, the coolest person you will ever know, the best looking and master of everything
Peace and love
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