Oh God!

Let me paint you a portrait, will all get out our easels, paints, brushes and that cool thing you hold in you hand that you put paint on. Oh and a beret we must have that on! Now I will start with black, because by the time I got ready for my hike home last night it was dark. I will use white to artistically represent wind so lets put some swirls here and there because it was windy. OK now I will put my self into this portrait, what colours should I use hmmm, painting an individual with an athletic build and boyish good looks is tough. Oh, it's coming along beautifully. Ok lets paint, magnificent trees use your browns and greens. Now that the scene is set let me tell you a tale that would accompany this portrait......
It is a cold, dark night and the sky is dotted with stars. The moon lending what it can for light. A brave, handsome explorer dawns his head lamp, puts his pack on and leaves the safety of the "cat house". He is soon walking, alone into the great unknown. Actually this part is known, I was walking on "coffee run" to 6th line. But for all intensive purposes will say unknown, adds spice to the story. Because it's not 1800 and something I am rocking an i-pod. My journey heads North, up the 6th towards Simco county forest. I make it to the road and my pace quickens and in 25mins I am at the entrance to the trail. My chosen soundtrack exemplifies nature, Jay-Z. As I am approaching the entrance to the trail I am listening "Allow me to introduce myself my name O......" at that moment I see the trail and my thoughts are similar "Oh God" The trail is covered, no one has been on them and we have had a lot of snow as of recently. My first few steps into the trail confirm my initial thoughts, " this is going to suck" soon to be followed by "this is going to hurt". One foot in front of the other (because that's how you walk) I make my way through the trail like a human ice breaker. The surface of the snow crunching under my boots then, sinking to the mid shin level. As my hike turned quickly into a death march, I realized this. In the winter, people die in the woods we believe it is because they get lost, they get cold and they fall asleep. I believe it is because they are walking through knee high snow and at some point say "fuck it" I am taking a nap. As I continue trudging along I sing to myself "left foot, right foot, left foot...." I am at the pace of a potato sack racer, making my way towards home. As I crest the final ball busting hill I see the lights of sugar bush, the home stretch is down hill, my speed quickens and soon I am running. From an outsiders perspective I appear as a ridiculously good looking avalanche. I am out of the bush and back on the road. My pace returns to normal. I feel victorious having blazed the winter trail. I arrive at the door, ready to go inside, sit by the fire and warm up with the help of wine. The door is open and I am greeted by our loving dog Maggie, lets paint her with red and white. Another thought "oh God I have to walk the dog, sweet baby Jesus!" This time I am wearing snow shoes.
Let's finish our painting with a little bush in the corner, it will be our little secret and if you tell anyone about it I will come to your house and cut you.....

Peace and love
and hopefully some laughs