As I stepped thru the doorway into what can best be described as a "home gym" I saw it, this strange apparatus that was probably designed by some sadistic engineer who's achievements also include the mouse wheel. Head cocked to the side, a similar stance to that of a confused chicken I looked upon this new piece of equipment.

My thoughts on running are simple, it is better left to the horses and I am not a horse. However here I was, shoes laced up water bottle in hand and on the verge of climbing aboard our new treadmill to enter the realm of running. Arrrg I say. I have never thought of running as something fun or desirable to do, running is only necessary if fleeing for your life or if you have stolen something and our try to make a hasty get away. But again here I stand, on a magic carpet of sorts, walking warming up the legs. I feel as though my "look" would be complete if I where to adorn sweat bands around my wrists and head, some what of a Richard Simmons look.
The screen is flashing, demanding me to enter my weight. I follow the instructions, allowing the torture machine to calibrate for optimal pain. Soon the walk in the park warm up pace is over and I am running. Running and going absolutely nowhere, in fact traveling backwards at some moments. Oh god what is going on, why am I doing this to myself, why oh why?

Love is why. Soulmate plans on trail running with the dogs this summer and so I have decided the best thing to do is to join. That and the benefits of being able to outrun a zombie will surely pay off. In fact I will begin to encourage my friends and family to stop exercising so that during the event of bear, zombie or roaming pack of angry seniors attack I can flee leaving them distracted with my slower moving counter parts who, out side of the seniors, will become a meal. Seniors require soft food, usually prepared in a blender so odds are they won't be cannibals but just killers.

Lucky for me I am not running today, tomorrow but not today. I have chosen instead to sip coffee, walk in the woods and ski....

Tomorrow I will climb back on the moving death rug and run, run until I cannot run no more. Hmmm with all this running maybe I should compete in riots. I will practice my brick toss and my snatch and run.......

Peace and love

Staring at the screen this morning my mind is rampant with so many things I want to say. In fact I have spewed out 10 different paragraphs already, all of which met there demiseat the stroke of the delete key. Sipping my coffee I was struck with it, the thing or things I will discuss today: athletes and Assholes.

Unless by some strange chance you just arrived on the plant and chose to immediately log onto my blog, which I would suggest to any alien visitors as the right thing to do ( welcome to are planet don't get your self caught and autopsied) you are aware that the Winter Olympics are on. Athletes, whom are suppose to be amateurs, have been served up by every country and are competing for one of three shiny pieces of medal. When ever the opportunity arises I sit and watch, I do not discriminate and have no favorite event I will watch any thing and cheer on all. Having some friends who are serious athletes I am well aware as to the time and dedication it takes to be the best in your sport and class. I am also aware of the pressure that these athletes are under to perform and win. A pressure they put on themselves and that is cast upon them by others. I was upset to catch a press conference this weekend held by one of our Canadian athletes. In tears they apologized for "letting the country down". Is this really necessary? I felt some what ashamed to tell the truth. As long as you did your very best your alright in my books, fuck everyone else! Yes I understand that they have dedicated their lives for what could be one moment and not winning is devastating for any athlete it fucking sucks, but to apologize to the country? To an audience of people whom the majority of which sit on their ass and don't play or participate in any sport. Apologize to a bunch of arm chair couches whom after watching a 30 second blurb about the sport think they have the right to say where you went wrong? Fuck that shit. Wipe your tears and smile. The statement "I let all of Canada down" was made, but honestly up until the moment I saw this press conference I had no idea who you where, sorry. All I can say is train, compete and enjoy your sport for yourself, if you win you win if you lose you lose no apologies ever be unshakable.

Now for the asshole portion. It still baffles me how dense people can be. If someone tries to contact me, phone, e-mail, carrier pigeon and i don't respond I probably don't what to associate with you. For the record, if this is the case it is because I think you are an asshole. The amazing thing is that these people can be so fucking retarded that they try and try again. Hmmm they say, he is not returning my calls, maybe his phone is broke. Oh he is not replying to e-mails maybe doesn't check it. It seems he has deleted me from facebook, maybe it was an accident. Maybe I should try this approach on his partner? Oh I have been blocked, hmmm maybe I should use my children as pons and send a message thru their account? Let me be clear, My phone works as does my computer I just think you are a piece of shit. Odds are "nobody told you" so here it is clear as day. I think said asshole is a total douche, a liar, cheater and a manipulating prick who would step over his own mother to steal her pension. If you are said asshole you probably will laugh and say something brilliant like "I would hate to be that guy" hey moron you are that guy ...........ass. For the rest of you reading this who have an I.Q above a squirrel you will know of whom I speak.

Well I feel better, I need to get that off my chest. Well that's all the ranting for me today and I stand by what I say, no apologies, ever maybe a go fuck yourself but that's it.

peace and love, even to the assholes.

Bee otch

You know it is rather quiet amazing when you think about it. How many options people have when choosing what they want to be as adults. With limitless information available on the Internet and colleges and universities around the world offering everything from economics to basket weaving that someone would still choose to be a bitch.



"My word" some of you may say.



Don't get me wrong by no means am I saying being a bitch is easy, nor is it for everyone especially the faint hearted. Being a bitch, a real bitch takes a lot of effort and practice. If your not willing to put in the hard time you will never earn the title of bitch or even queen bitch, you will like many of us just have your moments.



I am questioning why anyone in their right mind, and that may be my answer, would choose to be a bitch. I will set the record straight right now, one chooses to be a bitch, it's not an accident or fate or divine intervention it is a choice just like I don't know maybe not being a bitch. We all know the kind of person I am speaking of. They are kaniving, manipulative, ego centric, stubborn as an ass and often full of their own shit. How they stand themselves is beyond me, but they may share similar qualities to a skunk in that their odour does not bother them, just everyone else.



I am compelled to write of this topic because this week both myself and Soulmate where confronted with the aforementioned "Bitch". We both tried to remain calm, cool and collected but the onslaught of stupidity, which is often the weapon of choice, proved to much. Both of us became angry, ranting lunatics who wanted to do nothing more then what LL Cool J's mother suggested and that is "moma said knock you out". But do to the judicial system here in our country that would result in charges laid and a victory for the whole "bitch" nation. Yes that's right I believe they are a nation, a club whom give lessons to the devil on Saturdays about how to be more evil.



After are individual experiences this week, from two different bitches, both of us where left in awe. It was at this point that the question came up, "why would anyone want to be a bitch" So reflecting on what I know about people and my experiences, here is the answer I have arrived at:



Those who choose to be a bitch do so because they are small, frightened individuals who are threatened by everyone else. Often stuck in a child's mentality they often play games sometimes twisted but usually resulting in them looking like an ass. This is where the logical thinking person would pump the brakes and say hey I just made myself look like an ass. But since they are not logically thinking people they continue on the path of bitch hood, eventually isolating themselves winding up divorced, alone and with 90 cats. There only form of companionship or conversation is with the young children they yell at to get off their lawns. Soon they are so disillusioned they believe everyone else is crazy and they are sane. Eventually they succumb to the toll be a bitch has on the human body and they die. The 90 cats they own eat said bitch and no one cries at the funeral, because no one is there.



Hmmm it would seem that I not only answered the why but also made a prediction.

But like everything it is not to late for you to change, hell Jesus even forgave a criminal hanging on the cross next to him. You can always choose not to be a bitch?

Well maybe if you shut the fuck up and listen you might have caught that last part but odds are your to busy talking and blaming everyone else for your self induced misfortune.......think about it?



Peace and Love,

to most of you

Under a rock?

Well after a bit of a disappearance I have returned. With no help from you my readers. Really thanks for nothing, no missing persons reports where filed, no posters put up, no search parties or emotional plea for my safe return on the local news. You are ALL a disappointment and should be ashamed for your lack of caring. You are the worst audience ever, but an audience none the less so I will entertain you, feeding you tales and lies, truths and myths.

Well on the home front the dynamics have changed slightly, we now have two dogs, count'em two dogs and two cats. Seriously you may be thinking "it's a motha fucking zoo" and let me assure you it is. Our new additions are Dexter, a pure bred doberman who may or may not be the anti-Christ. He requires a lot of attention and exercise. The means of measuring if he has had enough is this; if you come home and shit is destroyed you have not exercised him enough. Fortunately for us we do not have a lot of shit. The new cat is named Chase and that is what he does. He chases the dogs, the other cat, hell he chases us. He is quite the personality. In true fashion I am the alpha dog, the leader, top of the ladder, king of all that is below me....which means I am not really in charge but the enforcer. Any enlightened man knows that he may have the penis, but without a vagina he is useless, so who really is in charge?

On the work front, what am I saying "home front, work front" sounds like I am reporting on a goddamn war. Any whore, Hardwood is a live with Olympic spirit. Which translates into everyone thinking they are an athlete. I swear to god there was more spandex out on trail this weekend then ever worn in the tour de france! Being able to see your own shriveled up junk does not make you an athlete or faster what it does make you is ridiculous. Seriously, by some proper ski clothes not for me but for the children and stop wearing speedos because odds are you wear them too.

Also, for future reference, jeans are not proper ski attire for Nordic or alpine. I can't begin to tell you how often I see people wearing jeans while skiing. They are usually wearing rental equipment, which is cool, happy to see you skiing but jeans, what are you semi-retared. A) Jeans are cold B) when they get wet they freeze, you freeze and your junk falls off. Buy some snow pants and a hat and gloves you will have more fun. Oh and as much as I love seeing you bomb down the hill in the kamikaze snow angle maybe throw in a turn here or there, just saying.

Well that's it, that's all.....if you are wondering I am still awesome, the coolest person you will ever know, the best looking and master of everything

Peace and love

Can we say all over the map?

That seems to be the state of my existence as of late. I am doing nothing and everything. Is that even possible? I have this goal, which is to create a routine. Not the kind of routine you can set a clock to, but more so a kind of daily routine. Thus far I seem to be "failing".

It's not like time is an issue, becasue if one didn't know better you would think I was A) semi-retired or B) Unemployed. I work a normal 40 plus hour work week and yet I am home all the time and constantly playing. Hell my job pays me to play. Now I am not bitching at all but you would think I would be able to create and stick to some kind of schedule.

Of course I being perfect shall not take any blame for this and will pass all blame onto the newest member of the family. No not the cat chase, but our new dog Dexter. Soulmate and I adopted Dexter just over a week ago and he is a pure bred Doberman and can out last the energizer bunny. Actually he would probably eat said bunny and then keep going. He needs a ton of exercise, love because he is a huge pussy and things to destroy because that is what he does.

I have all but given up with "formal" training and have decided that "playing" is more my thing. That being said there is no way this dude is going to lay down like his sister while I sit on the trainer for two hours he will lose his shit and eat a table, no lie he is pat beaver.

Try meditating for that matter with a 70lbs kid who wants nothing more then to wrestle. You may be saying to yourself, why don't you train him. Well you see we are hippie parents and we have tried nothing and we are all out of ideas. (Simpsons for those of you just arrriving on the planet).

A cleare sign is that I have not blogged in like two weeks, oh my god, whatever, lol, ttyl.
Any whore, I am going to make more of an effort on the schedule front. I am so spontanious though, I live care free without a worry in the world, not clock watching..........oh fuck I am late

Peace and love

All in the Family

Another night of grooming has come and gone with little excitement. I so desperately want to see wild life and yet I rarely see any. I see lot's of evidence that the woods are a buzz in the sign of foot prints but no sightings. Thus far I have seen a coyote and last night a big owl. I was really, quite foolishly, hoping to see much more. I guess however that something resembling a tank may not be the most inviting for animals.

On the home front we welcomed our 3rd child, Chase into our lives yesterday. Chase is a black and white cat......if you where thinking a child you are clearly off your meds. Soulmate and I adopted Chase from the SPCA in Orillia. He is unfazed by his re-location and very happy. Tucker and Maggie on the other hand are stressed. Their all like "what the fuck is going on here"
The new cat loves the dog and spends a lot of time rubbing up against her and walking under her, which is really funny as Maggie looks very, very confused. Tucker needs more time to adjust because he is in all accounts a prick. That's not bad, it is what it is.

Out side of that all is well and calm. No major life changing events to report. Just the same old, same old. Sorry if I bore you, I may spice things up by starting a riot or revolution both of which are still in planning.......

Peace and Love

Well wouldn`t you know it, it`s Tuesday. To some of you that is redundant, you know it is Tuesday and I am merely stating the obvious, congratulations then to you. But to others, like me days seem to blend together, creating more of a montage then a week. Do to my schedule, grooming some nights, working some days everything just melts together and I tend to lose track of what day it is.

So as I sit here, I realize that i have not delighted and tickled your minds for several days, this in part to my weird schedule. So I shall then attempt to update you in my life happenings up until this day.

The week end was beautiful, blue sky`s and cold. When I arrived at Hardwood on Saturday morning, I discovered the temperature to be in the minus to cold to fucking do anything. However it was demo day, so I watched as sales reps struggled, braving the cold to set up their tents, pull out their skis and smile, which was easy. If you could muster one your face would be frozen in that position shortly thereafter so you were pretty much set for the day.

I am still amazed at the number of people who come out and ski or more accurately drink hot chocolate on days like that. The parking lot was full and the chalet was alive with skiers, some coming in to warm up and others heading out. I glimpsed this all from the warmth of A)Chalet B)Cat house, I spent my day running between the two retaining as much heat as possible. Call me what you will, but I prefer to be warm, give me a heat lamp and a rock, maybe some crickets and I am the perfect lizard.

Sunday proved to be more inviting, for about 5 minutes so we, that is to say soulmate and I plus the dog went on a 3 hour snowshoe, which very literally drained my batteries. I returned, tired, smiling and ready to sit down for double the time spent snowshoeing, it is proper recovery, look it up if you don`t believe me...........ass

Monday was a day onto itself. Soulmate had several meetings in Toronto and I having nothing to do opted to drive her. So before the sun got it`s ass out of bed, we were on the road. By some miracle the drive in was amazingly fluid, very little stopping and hardly any rubbernecking. I spent my day drinking coffee at an assortment of Starbucks`s all of which where no more then 10 mins walk. I sipped away my day and read a lot. I also remained constantly amused by those in the rat race. Dashing out into traffic, nearly meeting their end all to get somewhere. Where, who cares but more then likely no where worth dying for. Odds are if they meet their demise whilst trying to get to work, the HR department would just pull out a hat and shake up a pile of resume`s, dropping them in and grabbing one at random.

Blah, Blah, Blah that is what you are hearing I know, I have rambled on about nothing so, I will wrap it up for today as I feel like it and it is my blog so, bye.

Peace and Love

" All aboard the apocolypse machine"

As you can imagine, staying up uber late to groom XC ski trails can begin to toy with your mind. Deprived of sleep, drowned in coffee and listening to broadcasts of the parinormal on Coast to Coast it was inevitable that at some point Andrew (fellow grommer) and myself would begin a hot topic debat about surviving a zombie apocolypse.

One might think that such a conversation is rediculous and some what geeky, but let me ensure you that being prepared is the best policy weather it is to survive a natural disaster or a zombie apocolypse. Many ideas floated about the inside of the groomer as we pushed forward on our daily mission to create and maintain the best ski trails around.

We both agreed on a few key points about surviving said zombies. 1) Gather supplies, weapons, food, clothing, fuel etc. 2) Make your way to a place with a small population, i.e. some far Northeren commuity. The reason is smaller population equals smaller zombie population.

It was at this point that we began to disagree. You see Andrew believes that the groomer, which is an amazing machine with tracks (go over anything) a big plow blade (push zombies out of way) and a tiller (chew zombies up) would make the best machine to be in to survive an apocolyps. I however disagree. I believe that by being in said machine your fate is to become a canned food of sorts for zombies to feed on.

My game plan is as follows: Pay attention to the news, when strange occurences begin, people eating other people get a flight to Nepal. Gather supplies and begin a trek to the highest base camp on Mount Everst. Outside of a few zombie sherpas you should be ok. You will however have to venture into a village to gather more supplies, but lets face it my friends, that is the weak link in every survival plan, when dealing with zombies, hungry for brains.

It was at this point that we stubulled up an alien. Luckily not a zombie because we have no agreed upon course of action and we figured that aliens are far safer. So we picked him up and he groomed with us for the rest of the evening. He was a quite delightful fellow who had a slight obsession with the 80's pop culture. We asked his opinion, his response was as follows

" if either of you ever want to get laid again I would suggest that you stop talking about zombies. Whats next guys a little Dungeons and Dragons, how about some japenese comic books. Why the fuck are you two talking about zombies anyway, fuck you guys are nerds, jesus christ! You know what just let me the fuck out. There is no way I am going to ride along with a couple of fucking weirdos who are A) up at 2am and B) talking crazy shit. Why don't you go home, get laid, dring a beer and shut the fuck up"

He was an angry little man, but he had a point. So we let him out, we watched as he walked off into the bush all the while flipping us the bird.

The moral here is, nothing, there is no point to this story. No lesson not a god damn thing. I am tired, oh so tired and need to sleep and apparently get laid according to the alien Mr. T.

I guess the lesson then is to get laid, often and frequently, then maybe you won't find yourself talking about zombies.

Peace and love

2010

Well here we go again. A new year and decade has begun, the world is still in existence, no aliens attacked and a lot of prophecies where wrong, again, but don't give up you'll get it right one day.

New Years eve was spent with some friends and of course my soulmate in what amounted to a very low key evening. A snowshoe in and around Matt's home a few beers and a lot of laughing. All and all it was a great way to ring in the new year.

In true fashion we got home and I was hungry, so it would turn out that my first meal of the new year was an entire bag of salt and vinegar chips. I know what some of you are thinking, gross. Well screw you, I was hungry and it was easy so go fuck a goat.

Thus far the new year has begun in much the same way as the last one ended, in love, have a dog, and I still drink to much coffee. I think it is great. Perfect in fact.

If your curious, I have NO resolutions as that I am pretty much perfect. That and I think a resolution is pretty gay. The idea of choosing one thing or a handful of things to change this year is ridiculous. Let's face it, what you don't like about yourself today, won't be the same tomorrow. So here is my advice. Do your best everyday. Treat everything the same, give it your full attention. It isn't about accomplishing the most everyday, it's about creating the most out of what you accomplish. So if you only accomplish a few things, but you have done them all with your best effort, attention and integrity your fucking awesome in my books. Live your life, be happy and do what makes you happy. Odds are if your happy those around you will be happy. Unless their miserable people, in that case fuck'em or buy them a bullet.

I would wish you a happy new year, the best blah blah blah blah and junk but I won't. What I will do is wish you the happiest and best in life, all of your life, not just one stinking year. Why take it one year at a time? Well if you piss me off I may wish you a year filled with horribleness and misery. Well I guess the key is to not piss me off.

Peace and love

Well, I am learning, slowly learning what it takes to be an athlete. That I realize is a vague statement so I will elaborate.



I was under the preconceived notion that being an athlete required little more then a few key ingredients. 1) The desire to do exceptionally well in a given sport. 2) Have some guidance in the form of a coach 3) Time



I figured that having all of these boxes checked off that I would be an athlete, not to boost to much but a good athlete at that.



FAIL



I have learned that all though these are necessary pieces to the athlete puzzle that there is one fundamental piece you must have, or else you have a bunch of pieces that don't fit together all that well.



Get your head together, get your shit right.

I have learned, despite having been told, that head games are the major road block in being a good athlete. If your head is not in the game or your heart your fucked. Yes your heart has a big deal to do with things too. It would seem that your brain likes to fuck with your heart and your heart with your brain, like two therapist parents who have an only child.



I find myself completing my training, often with a smile. However the time leading up to the work out is trying. My brain is in constant overdrive, creating reasons why I shouldn't get on the bike. Brain's infamous line is "no one cares if your faster or if you win. Just do what you do ride your bike and no one will expect anything from you"

I have always been the rider who hits the jumps, drops and skinnies. Downhill, dirt jump and trials is what my calling card would say. It has never been "racer" or "athlete"

Well here it is, I might not be the fastest, yet. I might not be a pro, yet. I might not be endorsed or get paid, yet. But I can ride a bike. I know where I am strong and where I am weak. I ride because it fuel my soul and I race because I want to win. I have done more then my fair share of things half assed and I refuse to let this, training and racing be another thing to the list of "almosts"

I will train and I will race and I will do my very best to win and if you don't like that or support me then fuck you. Blunt and to the point.

My life is simple, Love, riding and coffee and pets.

Peace and Love

Silent Night

Well Christmas has come and gone. Family was visited and presents were exchanged. I would like to say turkey was ate but Soulmate and I are veggies so no turkey. We did however eat some bugs. We decided to look the other way and enjoy some delicious escargot for our own version of Christmas dinner. If you imagine you are a giant they look like little turkeys. So we ate a small colony of escargot, sipped on wine and enjoyed a quite, relaxing Christmas day filled with laughter, love and a bit of painting.

Some of you may be a little disappointed in this life report. You may have expected a Griswald story of how we cut down our own tree, brought it home to find a squirrel still occupying it. Or how I was awoken by noise down stairs, beat said intruder only to discover that it was Santa. Or even how I saved the day from terrorists who took over an airport in a plot to have political dictator released (die hard, that reference is die hard in case some of you are like what?)

Sorry, but it was a quite day and I am very happy to have had it. Christmas often means running around from one place to the next, often visiting with people who you only see on Christmas. Your time is spent catching them up on your life, even though you nor they really care. So instead our Christmas was filled with visiting the one's we love, even if we don't see eye to eye with them they are the one's who do care.

I did have a smile put on my face, when I was given a gift by soulmates family. I got to dawn a rhinestone Christmas hat as I open my present. Socks, hot chocolate and a mug. I think they like me. I was really shocked when my name was added to next years secret Santa draw. This is a big deal because it means they expect me to be around. I will not disappoint! I will be around for years to come, eventually they will refer to me as a virus and question how to get rid of me. But for know I am happy to be accepted and invited back.

Peace and love

The Christmas season is all about peace, love and the spirit of sharing. Really? Have you been to a mall at all during the last week. Yesterday, Soulmate and I went into Barrie for the day.

Every year I seem to forget the golden rule for the holiday season, leave your fucking manners at home. Don't bother bringing them, in fact your better off bringing a loaded gun or a taser. This realization struck me instantaneously when I was searching for a parking spot. In a scene out of road warrior I got cut off and flipped off in an amazing, single motion. You might expect this from some young punk, but from an old women? Fucking battle axe, what the hell. I had my signal on, waited patiently and smiled filled with holiday cheer. Then like a jail house rape, i had it stuck to me. The parking spot was snatched away by some knitting, tea sipping cat petting battle axe. I have to admit, the thought of throwing down crossed my mind. But I asked my self, what would Jesus do? I am pretty sure he would have fastened a shank out of a cross and "bone check"

Instead I repressed the Ted Bundy in me and drove in endless circles until I found a parking spot on the other side of the planet. Parking spot found, I figured I would take a moment and have a coffee. Starbucks here we come. Opening the door, I came to a halt like Toronto traffic. By the power of Grey Skull, did all of Barrie converge on this single coffee shop.

I spent my time in line, smiling and say "hello" "greetings". Often there was no reply vocally, but their eyes would say "go fuck yourself" or "eat shit and die" Where is the holiday spirit? where is the love?

After a long wait I made my order to the Barista who unenthusiastically took it. Her facial expression concerned me, she had the look of someone ready to take their own life. I wish I had a suicide hot line # to give this poor girl. I then watched her create, slap together my order. It looked nothing like the picture and tasted like, well like what I imagine luke warm shit to taste like.

It was at this point that my twitch developed. I entered a state which no one should see me in, a state brought on by bad coffee. In a manner which can only be described as "losing one's shit" I spun around and scissor kicked the person behind me. I followed that with a Ninja chop to the neck of the old women who cut me off and began using books from the non-fiction section as throwing stars. In the end I was asked to leave Chapters, several people where dead and a small fire was set in the children's section.

Next year I will fasten spikes and a push bar to the front of the car. I will arm myself with any blunt object that can be used as a weapon, dawn a hockey mask and armour and head to the mall. I will pull the doors open and begin my shopping experience with these famous words
"yippie kiya mother fucker"

Peace and Love
a pinch of holiday maheim.

As Christmas rapidly approaches, bringing with it the new year I have found myself in deep contemplation about what the last year has meant and what I have gained and what I have lost. Let me assure you that the gains far out way the loses, but loses they remain.

For those of you just tuning in, this past year has been, if anything one change after the other without end. I went into this year with a feeling that has become very normal for me and with a statement that I have said aloud for the last several years "this year some big things are going to happen!"

I haven't been wrong yet. This year's theme was change. A theme that echoed in every aspect of my life. I found my soulmate and we began our journey forward. I sold my house and quit my job. None of which were has to's or suppose to be's all were done of my own choosing. What I gained, out side of a pair of balls, was my perfect life, a dream life. I have found the love of my life, we live in an amazing place, and have an amazing home. All of which we created together.

As the end of the year approaches I find myself waiting to be struck with it, that feeling that has become so familiar. Yet, as each day passes I do not see it's arrival. Let me be clear, I do not need anymore "big years". I have lived more life in my 29 years then a lot do in their entire time on this planet. The fact is that this familiar feeling has been replaced with one that I can't quite place.

I am overwhelmed with the thought that perfection is not the end, it is a foundation. I feel as though I must take this and build upon it, strive harder and with more determination to become the person I desire to be. Who that person is, remains the question. I posses all of the tools, knowledge and drive to be whom ever I choose.

I am ready to take these next steps forward, on a trail not walked before. I will not be a zombie, but a leader who carves out his own path, even if it is to failure. I am prepared to "bury" relationships and friendships which should have been allowed to die years ago. They say to remember history or else you will repeat it. I disagree, if you are always thinking about the past, how can you ever move forward and expect to not repeat it?

So here is the plan, an idea to start this year. I will make a list of all the things I choose to let go of. No holds back, weather they are thoughts, behaviours or people. I will raise a drink to years past and burn the list. The intent is this; new life begins out of fire it is re-birth. I invite you to do the same. Make a list, put on it whatever you want and burn the mother fucker. Make a statement as to what this new year will bring and go forward with a big pair of balls. It's your life, so live it the way you want too. Trust me on this one, you will be much happier!

Peace and Love.

Ye day at work.

Greetings and salutations good friends.
On this blistery cold eve, take a moment to find warmth, become comfortable sip on coco and listen as I tell ye a tale of days (today) gone past.

It was in the year of our lord, 2009. I awoke to the soothing and natural sounds of and electronic rooster, something of a rage these days. As the sun dial was not yet working I took a guesstimate at the time. I, through a series of detailed mathematical calculations, the likes of which I shall not bore you with, determined that it was 4:30am. To some of you, the existence of such a time seems mystical, let me assure you it is of truth.
My journey on this day would take me into the forest, over the hills and to a land covered in trails travelled on by pieces of wood.
Through another series of methods, rooted deep in science (checking the weather net work) I determined that on this day it was cold. So cold that only the brave and idiotic, the likes of which are usually alike, would venture forth. I dawned my furs (Helly Hanson gear) and summoned my dog sled team (Maggie, only one dog, not much of a sleder).
We would set out, guided by a head lamp and flashy thingies crudely attached to Maggies collar.
The temperature was in the minus 20's, so our voyage would be fraught with frozen things and such.
I was afraid that I may not reach my destination before my coffee would run out and alas it did.
Coffee less, cold and only accompanied by the bravest dog (also idiotic) we pushed forward.
In the wee light of the morning our journey came to and end as we reached our far away destination.
It was glorious.
We watched in ah, pondering the role of witch craft as people glided across the snow, supported by pieces of wood fastened to their shoes. Ah technology is an amazing thing, a marvel of this new age.
The day was spent, laughing and mucking about moving snow flakes and starting fires. It is a good life.
As the light of the sun, slowly began to be extinguished we had but a single task, to return to where we once came. As I left this land of spandex and skis I had but a single thought an enlightenment if you will.

brrrrrrr

Peace and love

The last two days, well nights actually have been a new learning experience. Having been accepted to Top Gun school a.k.a Hardwood. Sunday night was my first flight experience, before receiving clearance we checked snow conditions, temperature and of course I-pod selections. Goose and I. In this scenario Andrew Parry will be Goose and I of course will be playing Maverick. The handsome pilot with a little bit of cowboy in him. So into the Rhino we climbed and hit the trails. This is my first time grooming and I can admit that I was a little nervous. Wrecking a trail would be similar to cutting someones throat, actually my own because A) they would have to close it and B) I would be applying for a new job. So with my attention focused and my third eye open we headed into the thick of it. Grooming is not simply a glorified Zamboni for ski trails, it is what I have come to learn and art form. You are always on a constant edge, between tiller pressure, speed and laying a good track. If a classical track is set and not relieved before a sharp turn you will cause skiers to venture, unwilling into a tree. We hold the power. I like it. I from this day forward shalt be known as the all powerful lumber jack jay. A name I was given my a good friend, a worshipper if you will. I began grooming at Midnight and finished somewhere around 7:30. The trails looked alright given the snow, my experience and mother nature who is ultimately the conductor to our grooming symphony. Monday night I was out again, a bit of a later start due snow conditions but the trails looked much better. I just might be good at this after all. Well, I am usually good at everything. Actually it hurts being this good, toot toot.
On the training front I am being a good athlete. I have been dedicated to my work outs on the compu trainer (bring it) and despite the fact they hurt like hell finish each one with a smile on my face. Coach says I am the best athlete in the world, well I may have paraphrased but whatever.
Being left unsupervised for the weekend I decided to build a ski jump in the yard. Our almost 1 acre of chalet property is mainly a large forested hill, but there is enough room to have a good run in, a kicker and a sweet landing spot. So, my neighbours think I am semi retarded, but I am who I am which is someone who is semi retarded.
In local news it has been snowing and snowing a lot. Overnight we received over 30cm of fresh powder and it is still snowing with another 10cm expected today. I hope that I am being clear in my writing this, I am boasting, bragging, rubbing it in if you will. Southern Ontario can kiss Northern Ontario's ass. That's right I said it, it's out there.
Peace and love

Almost Perfect

In true "Jason" fashion yesterday begin as everyday. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee drifted upstairs and tickled my nose awake. That and waking up next to the one you love always puts a smile on my face!

So downstairs I went and poured myself a cup of life, actually if you are wondering what the meaning of life is, it's a good cup of coffee. Sorry if I ruined it for anyone but a speak only truth. With Soulmate out of the woods for the weekend it was just me the dog and of course the cat. The cat (Tucker) outside of being a constant source of amusment does not make a good snowshoe partner. What he does provide is a constant reminder of what you get when you have a big brass set of balls. That is to say he is his own dude and he gets what he wants weather we give it to him or weather he just takes it himself. Let that be a life lesson today, never settle, always get what you want.

So the dog, who is always dressed to go out in the winter elements waited patiently as I got ready. A quick look outside, blue skys and the sun slowing rising like a morning erect......

Anyways, Maggie and I headed out. Only a few short minutes on the road and then we disappear into the bush. It would seem that we would be the first to set track on freshly fallen snow. There is nothing better then being the first out, no ones steps to walk in and each step breaking new ground. Thats living. For half of the snowshoe I lead without purpose or direction, just walking towards the sun, letting it strike my face. I realize this is sounding like a drama but I have the key board and this is my blog so suck it.

About half way through our snowshoe Maggie came across some fresh deer tracks in the snow, she was on them like a nun on an alter. At that point I decided that all realationships invovle leading at times and following at others. So "lead on Maggie" For the next 40mins I followed wondering off trail and at times crossing trails. Every so often I would get a look back a smile all over her face. Thats right dogs can smile and they have souls, which means they go to heaven. But not rocks, rocks to do not go to heaven. Amazingly the tracks lead us almost all the way home. See my conspiracy theories are coming to fruition. The deers are watching us, waiting for the right time to strike. Parinoid delusions you say, will see, will see.

After an hour and a half or so we arrived back at the chalet. Coffee in hand sitting by the fire looking outside I realize that today is almost perfect. Almost is close but not quite there. The missing piece to the "perfect" equation is soulmate. Lets all be honest having the one you love with you makes everything better, especially when you kiss. So go kiss the one you love, I will wait........

See I told you, bet you feel better a bit happier. Weird how that works. Well thats what I have for you today. The snow is falling again and I am headed outside to live my life.



Peace and love
and kisses

Oh God!

Let me paint you a portrait, will all get out our easels, paints, brushes and that cool thing you hold in you hand that you put paint on. Oh and a beret we must have that on! Now I will start with black, because by the time I got ready for my hike home last night it was dark. I will use white to artistically represent wind so lets put some swirls here and there because it was windy. OK now I will put my self into this portrait, what colours should I use hmmm, painting an individual with an athletic build and boyish good looks is tough. Oh, it's coming along beautifully. Ok lets paint, magnificent trees use your browns and greens. Now that the scene is set let me tell you a tale that would accompany this portrait......
It is a cold, dark night and the sky is dotted with stars. The moon lending what it can for light. A brave, handsome explorer dawns his head lamp, puts his pack on and leaves the safety of the "cat house". He is soon walking, alone into the great unknown. Actually this part is known, I was walking on "coffee run" to 6th line. But for all intensive purposes will say unknown, adds spice to the story. Because it's not 1800 and something I am rocking an i-pod. My journey heads North, up the 6th towards Simco county forest. I make it to the road and my pace quickens and in 25mins I am at the entrance to the trail. My chosen soundtrack exemplifies nature, Jay-Z. As I am approaching the entrance to the trail I am listening "Allow me to introduce myself my name O......" at that moment I see the trail and my thoughts are similar "Oh God" The trail is covered, no one has been on them and we have had a lot of snow as of recently. My first few steps into the trail confirm my initial thoughts, " this is going to suck" soon to be followed by "this is going to hurt". One foot in front of the other (because that's how you walk) I make my way through the trail like a human ice breaker. The surface of the snow crunching under my boots then, sinking to the mid shin level. As my hike turned quickly into a death march, I realized this. In the winter, people die in the woods we believe it is because they get lost, they get cold and they fall asleep. I believe it is because they are walking through knee high snow and at some point say "fuck it" I am taking a nap. As I continue trudging along I sing to myself "left foot, right foot, left foot...." I am at the pace of a potato sack racer, making my way towards home. As I crest the final ball busting hill I see the lights of sugar bush, the home stretch is down hill, my speed quickens and soon I am running. From an outsiders perspective I appear as a ridiculously good looking avalanche. I am out of the bush and back on the road. My pace returns to normal. I feel victorious having blazed the winter trail. I arrive at the door, ready to go inside, sit by the fire and warm up with the help of wine. The door is open and I am greeted by our loving dog Maggie, lets paint her with red and white. Another thought "oh God I have to walk the dog, sweet baby Jesus!" This time I am wearing snow shoes.
Let's finish our painting with a little bush in the corner, it will be our little secret and if you tell anyone about it I will come to your house and cut you.....

Peace and love
and hopefully some laughs

Bad luck?

Well, like a good employee I reported for work, bright and early. Bright eyed and bushy tailed I was ready to tackle the new snow that had fallen (actually blown around) last night. To my surprise not much had happened over night. I figured that I would make short work of my "to do list" wrongo!!!
I went to start the snow blower which, after being left in a cold storage shed had as much life in it as a homeless person sleeping on the street. After 15 or so minutes and non stop priming I had it running, well sputtering, but working well enough to vomit up snow which beats the hell out of shoveling.
I then decided to sand the hill, oh how the delivery guys will love me. The tractor, sleeps outside. So in suit with the snow blower it did not want to start either, I would have to defib to get her going. "clear" nothing ok lets shock her again, "clear" this time the tractor had enough life to mutter what sounded like "go fuck yourself" Alright," clear" this time she fired up, black smoke billowed from the stack, casting a haze into blue sky, ya we really care about reducing our carbon foot, print!
The icing on the "should have stayed in bed cake" came while I was plowing the lower lot. Getting the jump on the weekend I decided to plow the lower lot, a foot ball field sized piece of grass which acts as overflow for the weekend rush. Literally with one pass left, the transmission took a giant shit. I said good bye to reverse, and of course I was in no position to drive forward. So I had to get towed out of the pile of snow, only to discover that the brakes had also joined the choir invisible, that is to say that both the transmission and the brakes died, they are pushing up daisies.
You may ask, what do you do when you have a day like this and my friends the answer is easy, smile, kiss the one you love and have a beer.

peace and love

5am

Captains log, star date who gives a shit.....
It's 5 and I am up, why would you ask? Well us groomers live an amazing, party filled life. I just got out of bed (leaving behind a gorgeous blond, huh huh) and now I am headed out the door. Word on the street is that the white stuff is coming......
Snow not cocaine you twisted infomercial watching fools.
If your reading this at 5am, go to bed, put down the speed and go to bed.
Peace and love

Shovelitis

That's right, not only am I a lyrical genius, a poet and so some the song bird of my generation I am also a linguist. For those of you not in the medical "know" Shovelitis is a serious and sometimes deadly "itis"
Let me break it down so we are all clear. Shovel derives from the Latin word "shovel" which means to shovel something. "itis" is fun and you add it to the end of words to make them sound important.
Now that we are clear I am suffering from shovelitis. Mother nature seems to have a sense of humour. She snows and blows for more then half the day and then in the last few hours of light decides to mix it up by raising the temperature and throwing in some rain. Now this would normally not bother me, except you see, I had not yet shoveled our driveway. Driveway is not a clear depiction, our "walmart parking lot" would be more accurate. So head lamp on, we tackle the monumental task of shovel water soaked snow.
The fact that I am writing this stands as a testament to the fact that I always win. Always. However, I am now suffering from "shovelitis" it's not that I want to shovel, it's just that I don't want to shovel anymore.
So that being said I won't, not today anyways, tomorrow is a brand new day.
Remember, take it one scoop at a time.

Peace and love